figboiler

Scenes from a weekend

(Two year old perspective.)

    

  


Clockwise from top: A lion costume always makes walking around the neighborhood way more fun.

Why wear only one cape when dressing up, when two capes is so much more fashionable?

Boating at Stow lake.  For a boy who is currently obsessed with boats, this is a dream come true.

Zen at the playground.  He played with the sand and these trucks, which are not ours, for nearly an hour.

(It was a fabulous weekend.)

Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh

Today, with the late afternoon sun streaming through the window, Justine and I heard our little Fig’s heartbeat for the very first time.  We only listened for a moment- I have spent too much of my life reading mothering magazine not to be a tiny bit worried about the effects of unnecessary ultrasound waves, but it was just long enough to be perfect. 

In other news, we will be on full time auntie duty this weekend as Justine’s sister and her partner are going out of town and trusting us with the care of their two children.  This is in spite of the fact that Justine’s pregnant brain forgot to pick up Jonah from school on Monday even though we have been picking him up every week since we moved here (I am taking no responsibility for this oversight as I was busy studying for the boards).  The boys will be staying in their own beds and we will be moving over to their house (with the snoogle), so as to avoid any more late night trips to Ikea. 

I have big plans for our weekend together.  There will be lots of bike riding, Brady Bunch watching, ocean visiting, burrito eating, and if we are very lucky, napping.  I can only hope that I like being a mama half as much as I like being an aunt.  Although, if hearing the heartbeat for the first time is any indication, I bet I'll be blown away by parenthood.  

CNM

Yes, I am indeed.  Today I passed my midwifery boards. I am so excited to enter into this wonderful crazy profession.  I feel so lucky that I will get to spend my days taking care of women helping them with their horrible cramps and their sweet newborns and their hours of pushing and their new partners and so much more. 

And now I must procure myself a job. 

It's alive!

Yesterday morning we received a call from the midwives at the small friendly hospital wondering if we could come in for an appointment in an hour, as they had an unexpected opening.  We were quite excited by this turn of events and, after a quick bowl of special K, we walked over to the clinic.  The clinic is nowhere near as fancy as the last clinic we visited, but everyone was super friendly and we were quickly ushered into an exam room. 

The midwife we met with won me over immediately by wearing pink converse with her business casual outfit, and by the end of five minutes she had won over Justine too with her patience, her thoroughness, and her general awesomeness.  She took Justine’s health history (including the incredibly well worded question “so, do you know the baby’s donor?”) and talked to us about the clinic and the hospital in great honesty. The hospital has a 63% (!) rate of drug-free childbirth and the lowest c-section rate in the city.  And, most importantly, nurses who are very committed to helping you have a drug-free birth (supporting intermittent monitoring, position changes, hydrotherapy).  The midwives are on call 24/7 and just seem like a really lovely group of women. 

We talked to her about our fear of miscarriage (especially given my sister-in-law’s loss at 12+ weeks), to which she responded by saying “why don’t you come in for your next visit a couple weeks early, so you can keep those fears at bay and really enjoy your pregnancy.”  So our next visit will be at 13 weeks.  How much do you love this woman?

Finally, we got to see our very first glimpse of The Fig.  And he is really just about the most beautiful little fetus you have ever seen in your entire life.  He was so busy somersaulting and waving and generally busting a move.  It was really incredible.  It brought tears to both of our eyes.  She let us watch him for so long, taking photos whenever he did something particularly cute, and admiring him right along with us.  He is measuring a couple days ahead, which obviously means that he is brilliant.  We are totally smitten.  And somehow, seeing him on the ultrasound screen also completely convinced both that he is a boy (despite the fact there is no discernable external genitalia).

Even though we are still committed to trying to have a homebirth, we are beyond excited to have found a back up hospital and midwifery practice that fits us so perfectly. And suddenly, with ultrasound pictures hanging on the refrigerator door, this pregnancy finally seems real.  We are feeling overjoyed, blessed, and for the very first time, optimistic. 

tweetie

i have been resistant to writing a post. i am not totally sure why.  partly because i feel gross and when i don't feel gross i have homework to worry about. but, also maybe because i feel a bit guilty to get on here and complain or even just talk about life with pregnancy symptoms.  i also feel like i am walking a fine line between being eternally grateful for this second chance so soon after our loss and feeling unbelievably anxious and gross and not sure what to do with all those feelings. it's a bit tiring and a bit hard to negotiate.

anyways, i often think of little things that i would like to say to all of you.  so, in more of a twitter-y style, i have started to record them:

• am i the only one who didn't realize pregnancy would also be an insane roller coaster of emotion and worry and counting down? (sound like the tww to you?!) the roller coaster is making me queasy.  i wish i could get off at week 14. 
• oldest nephew turned seven. remembering so clearly holding him for the first time (right after he was born), my first real urge to have my own.  he will always be my first. 
• finally told my middle sister that i am pregnant. she was excited and sweet. it was so hard not to say why i waited so long to tell her. will i ever be brave enough?
• how bizarre this first trimester: doubled over with nausea or panicking at its lapse. will 14 weeks bring relief to any of it? mind or stomach?
• only allowed 3 B-natals (thanks, hannah!) a day.  have moved on to Jolly Ranchers.  unfettered access.  thanks, brother-in-law.
• took my first chinese exam wednesday.  i did ok, i think.  but am definitely still wondering what i have gotten myself into.
• don't google dysentery (for schoolwork) while eating your breakfast. especially when you have morning sickness already. it's gross. and sad.
• i will never eat another peanut butter cracker in my entire life- after this pregnancy is over.  and i may even not allow my children to eat them in my presence. protein laden bastards. (the crackers, hopefully not the kids).
• desperately needing a manicure and pedicure. but i am frightened by a salon's smells. and don't know where to go. (updated to tell you that i cut my nails. such effort!)
• i am completely unmotivated to do my schoolwork.  30 herbs to memorize by tuesday.  i feel like napping.  where's the panic?! i don't know how to study without panic.
• mother-in-law toasted me (well, the pregnancy) at dinner. so sweet. and yet, the first marking of boo being left out? hard to know what to say. i said nothing. and feel nagged by it. i should have passed along the toast to boo. she is the one who knocked me up. hanging on to my mistake.
• so difficult to get stuff done when you must nap every afternoon.  and you don't wake up until 10am.  and you get back into bed at 9pm.
• i got the flu shot. and i'm going to get the h1n1 vaccine, too.  i am not at all worried about it.  won't it be ironic if it kills me or makes me miscarry? (i have a sick mind.)
• actually, by the time the swine flu vaccine gets to CA, i may be in my second trimester. and then i feel even less worried about getting it.
• boo is being my knight-in-shining-armor.  taking care of me like i am some kind of fragile queen.  it's a little embarrassing.  but also so nice. i can't wait until i can do this for her!  crazy to think we'll do with this actual children in our home! maybe i should reconsider the peanut butter cracker ban.
• the in-laws have left and i have all my pillows back.  how many pillows do you consider obscene?
• round ligament pain is a freaky bitch.
• i can't open the refrigerator because it smells. even though it doesn't actually smell. to others.
• the midwives at second place cancelled on us today! and then offered us an appointment in the SECOND trimester.  for all they know, we've been seen by no one else.  feeling sad that we won't get an ultrasound today.  i would love some confirmation of a beating heart and some kicking legs. 

back to my herbs and my ginger beer.  with the intention of not such a long hiatus from posting in the future. 

Heart hopes

My mother is here visiting and she has been keeping us rather busy, as she is even more active than I.  There has been much exploring, a bit of shopping, and lots and lot of eating.  I have been waiting until her visit to tell her about Justine’s pregnancy and she was suitably excited to learn that she will soon be an Oma.  I think my mother was just a fantastic mother, and I am hoping that this is the first of many visits to the west coast in the coming years, because I know she will be a truly incredible grandmother. 

In other news, we have a prenatal visit with the second set of hospital midwives on Monday (at small, friendly hospital).  I am really hoping that they will be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler, even though ten weeks is a tiny bit early. Miscarriage is still very much a worry in our lives (especially since Justine’s sister and my sister-in-law suffered late miscarriages).  A nice strong fetal heartbeat would do wonders in setting both our minds at ease. 

Justine is still quite sick, which is both a comfort and so very sad for her.  Apples remain at the very top of her list of favorite foods.  Nearly all the foods that were acceptable in weeks five through seven have been rejected (toast- ugh!).  New favorites include special K, saltines with peanut butter, and sparkly real fruit juices.  But she is just so sweet in her sickness, so gracious and lovely, that it is a pleasure to take care of her.  I just wish there was more I could do to make her feel better. 

I also went ahead and ordered us a doppler.  Because this is the very first thing that we have bought for The Fig, I am a little worried about jinxing the pregnancy.  But by the time it arrives we will be nearly eleven weeks, which is a totally respectable time to be looking around for a heartbeat.  So I am hoping beyond hoping that Justine’s morning sickness is a good sign that will mean good news at the midwives that will mean that this doppler will arrive just in time to hear our Fig’s heartbeat at home.  Fingers crossed. 

Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing

There have been a lot of sleepless nights here chez Figboiler recently.  Our new home, while just as lovely as can be, is situated on a very loud street with street cleaning and crazy people and muni buses waking us up at all hours of the night.  And even thought it is October, it is really rather warm here, which I am told is normal, but is driving my poor pregnant wife crazy.  So, needless to say, there has been tossing and turning and lots of complaining around here.  Not one to sit back and be miserable, I have made some significant adjustments to our bedroom to increase both of our comfort.   

First we purchased a snoogle- you know, one of those body pillow that is so huge it is like having a third full sized person sharing your bed.  Even though we are only nine weeks pregnant the enthusiasm of the reviewers on amazon.com was such that they totally convinced me to go ahead and order one.  Reviews like, “if only we’d bought it earlier, we both would have slept so much better” and “I couldn’t have survived my pregnancy without a snoogle” are really hard to argue with.  So, the snoogle arrived and…Justine hates it! But fortunately, I love it and have taken it over to my side of the bed where it is properly snoogled all night long.

Then, well, um, we got our air conditioner out of the basement and put it in our bedroom.  Making us the only people in all of northern California with an air conditioner.  But Justine loves it so incredibly much, and we did schlep it all the way across country, so we might as well put it to use.  It is not very well installed, and I fear that it may kill someone in the next earthquake.  Luckily my brother is coming by on Thrusday and he promise to rig something up to save anyone unlucky enough to be checking the mailboxes during the big one. 

Finally, we bought ourselves a memory foam mattress pad (on clearance at Ross).  It is still in our living room outgassing, where it remains until it can pass the Justine sniff test.  I think it smells just fine, and I am very eager to put it on our bed, but Justine fears that the smell will surely kill brain cells as we sleep (or developing organs if you are the smallest member of the family).

We have also added a protein packed snack before bed, which our midwife recommended to help with both the nausea and the insomnia.  And we’re not really sure which part is working, but it does seem to be working.  And we’re all getting more rest- Justine, me, and the snoogle. 

About the size of a grapefruit

It appears that Justine is, in fact, pregnant.  The midwife we met with was lovely and very reassuring.  It was a pretty routine first visit- medical history, physical exam, and questions answered.  We learned that the birth center at the hospital has Jacuzzi tubs in every room and waterproof telemetry for monitoring, which is really awesome.  She also did a quick pelvic exam on Justine and said that her uterus was definitely pregnant, which was almost as reassuring as an ultrasound (our first ultrasound will be in two weeks, when we go in for our nuchal translucency scan). 

Overall, we were very impressed with the midwife and are very much looking forward to touring the hospital.  The big disadvantage of using this hospital as our back up is that the midwives are only on during the week and are not on at night, which makes us both a little nervous.  We will be visiting the midwives at the other hospital at the end of the month, and then it will be time to make some serious pro/con lists (which is one of my very favorite things to do).  

Thank you all for sending your very good thoughts this way today.  After our appointment was over we treated ourselves to a brownie and a lemon bar, and talked about how wonderful you all are.  Thank you, really.  

I love ya tomorrow

There may come a time in our pregnancy when we turn to each other and say, “Really, where did the time go?”  But that time is not now.  We have been slowly creeping along, day by day, trying to get through this crazy nausea anxiety exhaustion.  Each week accomplished is celebrated heartily with singing and dancing (at least by me, Justine celebrates from bed with a nap and an apple).  But finally, we are almost at the first eagerly anticipated milestone of the pregnancy: the first appointment with the midwives. 

Being a midwife myself, and being terribly opinionated about the exact type of midwife I would like us to have, we are going to see quite a few midwives before we make any decisions.  We would like a homebirth, ideally with a nurse midwife (a CNM, to those in the know). And we would like to have a wonderful back up hospital, staffed with lovely midwives too, in case a homebirth is not possible.  We think we have selected our homebirth midwife, and we have narrowed down our hospital choices to two. 

Tomorrow we go to big fancy hospital for our initial visit to meet with the midwives, get blood work done, and (we are really hoping) to have an ultrasound.  In two weeks we will go to small friendly hospital to meet the midwives there (I am really leaning toward having this be our backup) and then, once our back up hospital has been selected, we will meet with our homebirth midwife.  We’ll get prenatal care throughout the pregnancy from our homebirth midwife, going in once a trimester to check in with the midwives at the back up hospital. 

I feel incredibly lucky that we live in a city where nurse midwives can care for us both at home and at our backup hospital.  I am hoping that getting care from the backup hospital midwives throughout the pregnancy will make it much easier should a transfer be necessary (both Justine’s sisters ended up with hospital births although they were planning on having home/birth center births).   

So tomorrow afternoon (evening for those of you living on the east coast), please send good thoughts our way.  We are very much hoping that there is a healthy little embryo inside of Justine with a beating heart and waving arm buds and newly webbed feet. 

apples to apples

I have been feeling a bit homesick recently, missing the wonderfulness that is fall on the east coast.  I just love the red yellow oranges all around and wearing corduroys and catching leaves and apple picking. Justine said that she didn't know why we couldn't just go apple picking here in California.  And sure enough, a quick search found us a lovely (organic!) apple orchard just about an hour away from us.  

So we loaded up the car with Justine's sister and her two boys and we headed north.  And the whole day really was just lovely.  The apple trees were super tiny, which worried us a bit at first.  But they were loaded down with delicious apples and turned out to be just the right size for the boys to pick. We picked a giant bag full of apples and we have great plans to make apple sauce and apple squares and apple pie.  Although a great deal of them will probably be cut up and eaten from tiny bowls.  

The orchard also had a number of animals available for petting.  Rye fell deeply in love with the sheep, and the cuteness was almost too much for me to bear. At the end of the day we loaded back into the car and headed back to San Francisco.  And really, life in California in the fall isn't so bad at all.  

      

                   Jonah choosing the perfect apple from a tiny tree         Rye enjoying a freshly picked apple

 

Rye and I feeding a sheep